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Triumph The Insult Comic Dog

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Cover art of Triumph's DVD

Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog -- (born February 13, 1997, in New York City, NY) is a Yugoslavian Mountain hound and one of the most popular insult comics in recent years. In addition to his insult comedy, Triumph often smokes cigars, which usually fall out of his mouth when he starts talking. Most famous for his appearances on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Triumph has earned a lot of heat for his Devil-May-Care attitude, having been censored by MTV for his confrontation with Eminem and getting sued by a sock puppet from (which was resolved when the dotcom company declared bankruptcy).

In spite of his troubles, his popularity is undeniable. He has a live CD/DVD called Come Poop With Me recorded and released in 2003 and a DVD called Late Night With Conan O'Brien: The Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog released in August 2004.

He has two highly recognizable catchphrases. One is "I Keed," which is used to justify his most adject insults. The other is "... for me to poop on," which is a punchline often delivered after building up something with compliments.

The former catchphrase is also the name of his song included on the CD portion of his CD/DVD.

"I Keed" lyrics:
I thought my CD was done
But that's not what they say.
"Do an insult track, we need it for radio play!"
Cram in the names, I'll take a long hard pee,
Time to mess up the biz like an MP3.
American Idols, that's who I look for in the poop section of my local record store.
Ruben or clay, oh which should I pick It's like choosing which puddle of vomit to lick.
And when I want something even more fruity and fake I look up 'N' for N'Sync or 'T' for Timberlake.
So many skills Justin's making a buck at; Does he rap? Does he sing? He doesn't know what to suck at.
Now as for the bitches, let's give Britney thanks For the face that launched a million pre-teen skanks.
You were a virgin, that had to be hard; You've had more bones in your mouth than a St. Bernard.

I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you!
(LIttle dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
Yeah, you're a great actress too

Now let's go to Wal-mart where they won't sell my CD; That company's nuts are in a jar in aisle 3.
But you can see Christina in all her sluthood; It's like watching porn but the music's not as good.
I want to stuff my TV's crotch with a dollar; Still I'd hump you if I could wear my flea collar.
You're looser than my poop after eating Honeydew; Only 50 Cent's been plugged more than you.
And yet you're too old for Fred Durst to desire; He's checking out the cast of "Lizzie McGuire."
Soon Fred will try to get Mandy Moore To open for him, and I don't mean on tour.
You're not the first, Durst, poor R Kelly; His videos premiere at the LAPD.
I believe they set up an innocent guy You know what else? (singing) I believe I can fly!

I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you!
(LIttle dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
I believe Michael too, yes.

Now look how friggin cool those guys from the Strokes are; Their riffs are three times as old as my jokes are.
Hey White Stripes guy, is that your wife or your sister; Shouldn't you be playing country music, mister?
Hey Coldplay, maybe you should be Coldsore; Back when you were U2, I liked you so much more.
Somehow your song "Yellow" reminds me of pee; I think 'cause when it's over, it's a big relief to me.
Now Pink, is that your hair or a tattoo? I didn't know Supercuts had a drive-thru.
Yo Nelly, what kind of name is that? That's about as gangsta as an easter bonnet hat.
And Snoop says he's clean now? You make the call; The guy's higher than Billy Joel's cholesterol.
Snoop, there's only room for one dog, putz; And I can rap, can you lick your own nuts?
Poop Diddy, are you in show business still? I didn't know wearing a suit was a skill.
J'Lo, J'Lo, the giant tail-o; For a doggy's nose, that's the Holy Grail-o.
Shakira's butt's fine, but it won't hold still you see; I sniffed Elton John's tush just for all the history.
I sniffed J-Lo's ass and got too touchy-feely; She let loose a bomb that was bigger than "Gigli."

I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you!
(LIttle dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
I even like...I don't like Affleck.
(Nothing wrong with your butt)

Avril Lavigne punk queen, now there's a kidder; Go back north, Celine needs a babysitter.
Philip Glass, atonal ass, you're not immune; Write a song with a f*cking tune.
And on the list of pussies, don't leave off MTV; I scared them and Eminem so they gave the hook to me.
Slim Shady, why do you find me so scary? We're just two regular dudes who banged Mariah Carey.
Wipe off that frown, just do without it; Hey my mom was a bitch, but I don't go writing songs about it!

I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
I joke with you!
(LIttle dog, little joke)
I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
You know I never meant to hurt you
(Never meant to make you cry)
I keed, I keed!
(He just make a little joke)
It's a joke you see!
(Laffy, laffy, laffy, ha, ha)
Let's stop hating each other
(He just make a little joke)
Leave the pooping to me
(Rock it to me, sock it to me)
Rock it to me, sock it to me
Rock it to me, sock it to me
Rock it to me, sock it--I'm a rapping dog
And I'm here to say,
Rappa rappa rappa
A tappa huppa huppa
I keed.

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